Well, looks like all human relationships are doomed. 

Hey, don't look at me.  It's all right here in this chart:

Now just in case the chart didn't make everything perfectly clear, this is all from a study by the Journal Of Family Psychology.  According to the study, men are satisfied with a relationship when their wife or girlfriend seem happy.  Makes sense, especially to me, being a man.  What about the other side?

  "The women tend to want to engage around conflict," she told Shots. "They're deriving more satisfaction when they see that their partner is upset."

That's right - Men are only content when their women are happy, and Women are only content when their men are upset. So next time you're having a fight, don't blame your beloved - blame SCIENCE.  

UPSET MEN AND THE HAPPY WOMEN WHO LOVE THEM

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Not sure what the original source of this is (I got it from buzzfeed who got it from reddit) but here's an alternate history of The Simpsons as told through their annual Christmas card photos:

The family gradually grows up...

And expands...

Maggie comes into her own....

And in typical Simpsons style, the story takes a few unexpected turns...

I highly recommend the full slideshow (and it gets even stranger than scuba diving in Manhattan,) which can be found here.

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Today, ABC officially revealed the contestants for the new season of Dancing With The Stars.  As I did last year, let's get to know the folks who will be entertaining us for somewhere between 1 and 16 weeks:

CONTESTANT: Maria Menounos

OCCUPATION: host of Extra and other yammering, empty-calorie tv shows.

FAMOUS FOR: holding a microphone.

DID I HAVE TO LOOK THEM UP ON WIKIPEDIA TO FIND OUT WHO THEY WERE: No

FUN FACT: Maria has a career 2-0 record as a WWE wrestler.

ODDS OF WINNING: 4-1

CONTESTANT: Gladys Knight  

OCCUPATION: full-time diva

FAMOUS FOR: singing, Pip-wrangling.

DID I HAVE TO LOOK THEM UP ON WIKIPEDIA TO FIND OUT WHO THEY WERE: Of course not.

FUN FACT: One of the Pips was named Bubba.

ODDS OF WINNING: 20-1

CONTESTANT: Jack Wagner

OCCUPATION: actor, soft-rock crooner

FAMOUS FOR: handsomeness

DID I HAVE TO LOOK THEM UP ON WIKIPEDIA TO FIND OUT WHO THEY WERE: Yes

FUN FACT: Most of the pictures I found of Jack Wagner did NOT feature a feathered mullet (but come on, which one would you choose?)

ODDS OF WINNING: 8-1

CONTESTANT: Sherri Shepherd  

OCCUPATION: cackling hen

FAMOUS FOR: being on the fence on the whole “flat earth/round earth” question.

DID I HAVE TO LOOK THEM UP ON WIKIPEDIA TO FIND OUT WHO THEY WERE: No

FUN FACT: Sherri plays the wife of Tracy Morgan on 30 Rock, whose character is famous for saying things nearly as insane and ridiculous as the things Shepherd says in real life.

ODDS OF WINNING: 16-1

CONTESTANT: Roshon Fegan

OCCUPATION: according to Wikipedia, “Actor, rapper, ballet dancer”

FAMOUS FOR: being on Disney Channel.

DID I HAVE TO LOOK THEM UP ON WIKIPEDIA TO FIND OUT WHO THEY WERE: Yes

FUN FACT: had the small role of “Amazed Kid” in the movie Spider-Man 2

ODDS OF WINNING: 2-1, those Disney channel kids are soulless singing and dancing entertainment robots.

CONTESTANT: Melissa Gilbert

Wait, that picture is out of date.  Let's find a more recent one, chosen purely at random:

There, that's better.

OCCUPATION: actress, union bigwig

FAMOUS FOR: hugging Michael Landon

DID I HAVE TO LOOK THEM UP ON WIKIPEDIA TO FIND OUT WHO THEY WERE: No

FUN FACT: Is often confused with Sara Gilbert (but only by me)

ODDS OF WINNING: 12-1

CONTESTANT: Jaleel White

OCCUPATION: actor

FAMOUS FOR: You know what he’s famous for.

DID I HAVE TO LOOK THEM UP ON WIKIPEDIA TO FIND OUT WHO THEY WERE: No

FUN FACT: White provides the voice of Sonic The Hedgehog in various video games.

ODDS OF WINNING: 12-1

CONTESTANT: Martina Navratilova 

OCCUPATION: tennis player

FAMOUS FOR: channeling the inferiority complex of Cold War-Era Americans fearful of snooty, intimidating Europeans.  Also beating Chris Evert a bunch of times.

DID I HAVE TO LOOK THEM UP ON WIKIPEDIA TO FIND OUT WHO THEY WERE: No

FUN FACT: could probably beat me in a fight.

ODDS OF WINNING: 10-1

CONTESTANT: William Levy

okay, I don't want to hear any more complaining about that Melissa Gilbert pic.

OCCUPATION: Mexican soap opera star

FAMOUS FOR: abs

DID I HAVE TO LOOK THEM UP ON WIKIPEDIA TO FIND OUT WHO THEY WERE: Yes

FUN FACT: William shares his name with a writer and poet known as “Talmudic Wizard of Amsterdam”

ODDS OF WINNING: 8-1

CONTESTANT: Gavin Degraw

OCCUPATION: singer

FAMOUS FOR: wearing hats that make you want to smack them right off his stupid smirking head.

DID I HAVE TO LOOK THEM UP ON WIKIPEDIA TO FIND OUT WHO THEY WERE: No

FUN FACT: Degraw was once attacked by several people on the streets of New York City, possibly because of that stupid ****ing hat.

ODDS OF WINNING: 6-1

CONTESTANT: Katherine Jenkins

OCCUPATION: opera singer.  SEXY opera singer.

FAMOUS FOR: opera singers aren’t famous, even if they hold microphones seductively.

DID I HAVE TO LOOK THEM UP ON WIKIPEDIA TO FIND OUT WHO THEY WERE: Yes

FUN FACT: She’s a mezzo-soprano

ODDS OF WINNING: 8-1

CONTESTANT: Donald Driver

OCCUPATION: football player

FAMOUS FOR: being perennially underrated in fantasy football drafts for most of the last 10 years

DID I HAVE TO LOOK THEM UP ON WIKIPEDIA TO FIND OUT WHO THEY WERE: No

FUN FACT: Driver attended tiny Alcorn State University, same college as legendary Titans quarterback Steve McNair.

ODDS OF WINNING: 6-1

The fine folks at Buzzfeed have taken it upon themselves to compile the internet's finest collection of cute animals playing tiny guitars:

COh, it only gets better from there.  Click here for the full gallery, including these guitar enthusiasts:

10 GUITAR-PLAYING ANIMALS (BUZZFEED)

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