above: the most horrifying thing I have ever created.

This has been one of the wildest and most storyline-filled NFL offseasons ever.  Future Hall Of Famer Peyton Manning is released by the Colts and signs with the Broncos.  Tim Tebow leads the Broncos to a miracle upset playoff win and gets traded to the Jets.  And the New Orleans Saints have been offering under-the-table cash for injuring other players.  For years.

Matt talked about Peyton, Tebow and more on his football podcast, The TFP!  Listen to the show here.

These stories played out like novellas, filled with with dramatic twists and unexpected turns, with broken hearts and underhanded deeds.  Each angle of each story is infinitely complex, reaching out into a million tiny strands that link it to both microcosms and macrocosms of sports and the human spirit.*

On the podcast, I give these storylines and underlying themes the time they deserve.  Here, I've boiled everything down to an internet poll.  VOTE!!!

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* I don't know what this means, it sounded smart

Everyone calls the first round of March Madness the best two days in sports.  I don't know what those people are talking about, because today & tomorrow strike me as the two most torturous days in sports - high-profile action going on all day while everyone is stuck at work.

Fortunately, Americans are nothing if not committed to finding new ways to waste time at work.  And so TBS has made the games available to watch online, so long as you're a cable subscriber.  Not only that, there's a handy trick to keep your work-watching safe from the boss's evil eye.

"In this office, we only stop working for the CBI INVITATIONAL tournament!!!"

Step One: load the game from tbs.com.  Note the Panic Button in the corner.

Click on that panic button, and your screen immediately converts to the most real-work-looking thing there is, numbers in columns:

Once the boss has finally left, click on the screen and continue your patriotic duty of watching basketball on company time:

You're welcome, America.

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And then, one day, they decided to make John Wilkes Booth bobbleheads.

For a few days, these were available at the Gettysburg National Military Park.  Souvenier-hungry tourists could celebrate a great American President in the city that hosted his signature moment, with a toy statue of the man who killed him.  It didn't last, and the bobbleheads were pulled from shelves on Saturday.

This is probably going to raise a big 'I can't believe how inappropriate that is!' flap, but honestly?  I think it's kind of awesome.  The old Woody Allen quote goes, comedy equals tragedy plus time.  Well, we've had enough time to move on from the Lincoln assassination.  At this point, a John Wilkes Booth bobblehead is about as tragic as a Darth Vader action figure.  Besides, outside of Gettysburg, they sell.

Let's TAKE IT TO THE PEOPLE!!!

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On March 8, 1993, I was a 17-year old high school senior.  And if you were 17 years old in the spring of 1993, you still remember a generation-defining moment.  It was on this date 19 years ago that Beavis & Butthead debuted:

I didn't get to see the show until a couple months later, when my small town's cable provider finally added MTV.  But once it arrived, it wasn't long until I saw, and understood.

I find it amazing that Beavis & Butthead is remembered so fondly today, because at the time it was widely viewed as the end of civilization.  Critics loathed it, and even fans seemed think it was nothing but dumb laughs.

But Beavis & Butthead is one of the sharpest and most devastating satires ever written.  A universe filled with cynical media, nihilistic rage, and oblivious, P.C.-addled adults.  Its format worked so well that the show returned last year, virtually unchanged but better than ever:

So happy 19th, boys.  Let's celebrate in traditional 19th anniversary style, with beards:

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